Talking About Grief: Why It Matters for Mental Health

‘Though my mother was already two years dead

Dad kept her slippers warming by the gas,

Put hot water bottles her side of the bed

And still went to renew her transport pass.

You couldn’t just drop in. You had to phone.

He’d put you off an hour to give him time

To clear away her things and look alone

As though his still raw love was such a crime.'

Tony Harrison

Grief is one of the most universal yet isolating experiences we face over the course of our lives. The death of a loved one, the loss of a relationship, a role that we feel defines us, a job, a way of life, future plans we once held dear or even the impact of events happening in the wider world. The effect of subsequent grief can be profound, reshaping our physical, emotional, and mental landscapes.

Far from being linear, feelings of shock, anger, guilt, numbness, exhaustion, or even relief may appear suddenly in the short or longer-term, or linger on as an aching backdrop to our daily activities, colouring how we perceive the world. MIND, the mental health charity, describes grief as confusing, exhausting, and unpredictable.

Grief is a painful but normal part of the human experience. However, it can affect our mental health in ways we don’t always expect. Persistent unresolved grief can contribute to anxiety, depression, and longer-term low mood. For some people, it interrupts sleep or changes appetite in the short to medium term. Others may experience difficulty concentrating, irritability, anger, emotional numbness, or even physical symptoms such as headaches or fatigue. These symptoms are a central feature of being human and reacting to loss, and have been beautifully articulated in art, film, literature, poetry and medicine over the centuries.  For some of us however, they can intensify and become overwhelming, do not diminish over time and shift imperceptibly from what those around us may see as a ‘normal’ reaction to a situation, into prolonged mental disorders that may require professional help and support.

Opening up about our grief is not always easy, but can be helpful and powerful in easing feelings of isolation and distress. Sharing your experience - whether with a friend, a therapist, a support group, or even through journalling - can help us gain objectivity, articulate pain and process what has happened, and begin to integrate it into our life ahead.

Talking therapies can help reassure us that we are not alone in our pain. For some individuals, articulating their emotional pain out loud or by writing can help give shape to chaos and make meaning from loss. Speaking out doesn’t mean you or anyone else has all the answers, or that you’re trying to move on too quickly. It is simply a means of honouring the reality of what your experience.

The act of talking creates connection. When others understand our grief, they can better support us whether by listening, offering comfort, or helping with everyday tasks. It also allows space for those moments of recognition: “You feel/felt that too?” These shared experiences remind us that even in our pain, we can perhaps gain strength by recognising that most adults are on different stages of a grief journey of one type or another in life, and offers hope that over time the grief can ease and become more manageable.

Sometimes, talking is what helps us realise we need more structured support. Professional help - like counselling or grief therapy - can guide us through especially intense or prolonged grief and offer resources that validate the complexity of grieving and provide real, practical tools to cope.

Grief can feel intensely personal and private, and there is no correct time frame in which someone is ready to talk. Yet when that time comes, easily-accessible spaces to talk about grief, like death and dying, should be part of our culture and society for everyone who wishes to access them. In these spaces we can learn the language, not only of how to speak and frame our own private pain but also to gain strength from the experience of others, and how to listen to and support friends, family and colleagues when they are themselves suffering grief and loss.